What behaviors we need to change

The behaviors that got us into this situation are the same ones that need to change.

I have been mulling over posting something like this for a while as it can be polarizing.

However, I feel that my "fuck it" is winning out today.

This country is going to hell in a handbasket lately and I am angry. I am angry for so many reasons. If I started listing them - this post would spiral into being just a rant. I don't want a rant.

I also strongly feel that we, on the socially liberal side of the political spectrum, need to adjust our methods in order to put things right. The only way we are going to do that is if we build a strong, large, and effective coalition across all groups.

Now, let me preface this with - this is not about the fanatics. There is no reasoning with fanatics. If somebody has drunk the Kool-Aid, there is no getting them to stop chugging without them wanting to on their own. They have to reach rock bottom sometimes or develop true empathy for others before they will change.

Further, I'm going to organize this into behaviors I have seen, and what to do instead. This post is not about a particular person but a pattern of behaviors that I've observed over the years. In short - this is a 'very big lens post'. Take from it what you will. This post is not about you but observed behaviors.

The Behaviors

1. We cannot ignore or discard nuance. If there is a fact in this world we don't like, we don't get to put our fingers in our ears and pretend it doesn't exist. This can apply to all sorts of topics. Nuance is important in every facet of this world. If somebody brings up a factual nuance you don't like - don't discredit it - we might even benefit from discussing it if we have the spoons.
2. We cannot lump groups together, be they race, culture, religion, their LGBTQ+ identity. Do not equate one groups' view on a topic and apply that same logic to the next group. That's at best insensitive and at worst downright erasing of their very legitimate views. Views which are shaped by their history, and sometimes that history includes communal trauma.
3. We cannot force a fundamental change onto groups with a just vocal minority view (no matter how well justified), the view must become mainstream within the group before it is adopted willingly, and that change must come from within - or it will cause malcontent.
1. This one might require an example. If you speak Spanish, you are aware of how all words are either masculine or feminine and they also have a gender-neutral default which can be either. When there was a push for the Latin-X gender it caused a fracture. Every single Latino heritage person I have personally talked to hates the X being forced on them and they counted it as a reason to distrust those who pushed that agenda. They also saw trans Latino people as existing for eons and they never needed the X before, it worked just fine for them without the X (their logic, not mine - please note).
4. We cannot use scapegoats. If we fail at something, we have to dust ourselves off and look at why we failed. It would be easy to say "It was the straight white man's fault" or "the system is designed to keep us down" but that's a horrible idea. First, we don't grow and become more effective as a result - but we also fall into the same trapping-pattern the far right does when they blame minorities. Now, sometimes it can be a particular bad person who is 'straight white and male' or a particularly bad building code meant to control a neighborhood but that doesn't change the fact that success is our goal - and we have to find a way to succeed. Target that particular man stopping you, or that find a way around that repressing building code. Identify the fence keeping us in and find a way around it or through it.
5. We cannot be divisive. If somebody doesn't agree with you and it's not something that's a deal breaker (say, like they are an actual nationalist-fascist) then don't ridicule them. Everybody has different opinions. Nobody has to think exactly like we do. Variety is what makes our world actually great, vs a very boring monochrome.
1. I'll use another example here. There are bad "Centrists", and they are A-okay with compromising with the fanatics on the far edges of the political spectrum. That is not the actual centrist position though. So, if we equate all Centrists to being open to compromising with fanatics and then mistreat all Centrists who hold to the rational center, then we are being divisive. We are failing to build a coalition. (Christians are also a good example of this. There are plenty of "Christians" that don't actually practice Christs' teachings - but proudly call themselves Christians. The real non-judging, good-works, and all-accepting Christians shouldn't be ridiculed for the false ones).
6. We cannot fight all of the battles. We are all finite in our resources. We only have so much time, energy, and money. If we attempt to each individually attack 'all the things' we will quickly become overwhelmed, and it will cause major stress to all of us. None of us are super powered superheroes (prove me wrong). We probably should each individually choose 1 to 2 things we are passionate about and impacted by -- and fight those fights. If each of us do this, we can divvy up the workload and do more - much more, as a team.
7. We have to stop condemning violence and other dramatic system shakeups with the express goal of ridding the world of tyranny. There is not a single revolution in the history of our world that completely abstained from the exacting of a blood tax nor the sudden confiscation of obscene amounts of property. There is no reasoning with fascists, or others who use them, or even those who will support the system no matter how broken it is. We fought so many wars in our history that this is extremely evident. To keep advocating for extremist non-violence is to deny our nature. Bad people will exist, and bad people will need to be dealt with - sometimes with force. Jury Nullification is a thing. (Free Luigi)

The Art of Applied Listening

The world we live in is a living breathing thing.  If we choose to listen to it, we can then understand how we need to change in order to survive or even thrive.  The world doesn't care if we don't listen to it, or refuse to change, it's unforgiving and will shake off us off like a bad case of fleas.

If one lives in a flood area as as example, then they need to prepare for that flood when it starts raining heavy.  Else their home gets ruined, and the rain sure doesn't care - no matter how deep heels may get dug in.

This sort of logic applies to all relationships, including those between people, be it intimate, friendship, or even in business.

If one shows proof that they don't listen, and choose to not change - it can be the death nail in any relationship.  They might not have that girlfriend, boyfriend, best bud, business partner, or customer coming around again.

The only difference, really, is that people tend to care and hold out hope that their counterpart will listen and adjust.  We don't like leaving people or places we care about.  So, it tends to take several "floods" before we give up hope and seek higher ground.

This is why customer's tend to stay when mistakes begin at their favorite restaurant.

However, after a while the business will feel the impact of not practicing the art of applied listening.

Customers will trickle out over time.

This sort of thing can be reversed.

It requires the leadership to rise to the challenge, acknowledge their mistakes, and show evidence of change to their customers.  If you ever watch those restaurant shows - this is done over and over.  It can be done for you if you see your business failing.

Ultimatum Consulting can help.  It's what we do.